you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
