I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
