thus making me awesome and them whores
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We are all done wearing pants today
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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