im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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