shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize