did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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