I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
