I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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