hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
