do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
