i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
