Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
How's work?
Spinning.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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