My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
