The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
