So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
