marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
