U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
