remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
