just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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