Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
