the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
