those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
