Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
