did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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