so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
