Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
