She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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