Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
