that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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