is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Randomize
