I wish life had little blips of pornography
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
