dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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