no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
