Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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