he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
