All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
