and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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