nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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