Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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