I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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