sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
