everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
