the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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