worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm at about main and main street
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
me + whiskey = a bad person
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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