so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wish there were birth control emojis
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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