i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
