I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
