last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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