sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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