Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
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we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
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And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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