Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
