I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
