hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
