Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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