What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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