And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
