Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
