can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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