These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
