Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
