Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
