break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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