we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
