Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
