Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
