Whod you bang
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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