is your mom at the bar?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
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just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
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You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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