He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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