I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
