Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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