My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
