real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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