he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
