bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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