there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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