it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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