Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
