Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
